Sometimes
As I sit here reflecting on my life, I can’t help but feel grateful for the journey that has brought me to where I am today. It all started when I heard a song that touched my soul and made me question where it came from. I was curious about the person behind the melody and asked about Madaniyah, but I couldn’t find any answers.
Despite my curiosity, I couldn’t shake off the feeling of being loved as I was called by the nicknames I once put on. It was as if the names had warriors in their souls and I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride. But then, reality hit me, and I realized that the person I once called an angel was just human.
“The mind is like a garden, it blooms with the good thoughts and withers with the bad; guard it with wisdom and faith.” — Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
I wanted to escape the mixed emotions I was feeling and find some rest, but when I closed my eyes, I was faced with a world that hurt me even more. The tale of the ocean soothed me, but I knew it was just a fairytale. I found solace in a book that seemed magical, but it was just an ordinary book. The words spoken in the book were “This makes me love you so hard,” but I came to realize that some words are forbidden.
I felt grief that was almost impossible to put into words. I saw an illusion of a man next to my bed, and my heart ached for him to come to life. I was being warned and cared for, but I didn’t like it when I was told that I was a robot or half human.
I keep asking myself who is with me and who knows about me. I was given another chance to live and make things right, to make everyone happy. I remember my grandpa, who saw me for who I am and trusted me with his care. He went through a lot to help my younger sister and I couldn’t help but feel guilty for not doing anything to ease his burden.
“The battle of the mind is won by planting the seeds of positivity and nourishing them with remembrance of Allah.” — Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
It’s time for me to let go of the past and move forward. I want to focus on the present and make the most of it. To do this, I need to accept what has happened and have faith that everything will turn out alright. I need to surround myself with positive and supportive people who will help me see the good in life.
With time, patience, and perseverance, I believe I can overcome my struggles and find peace and happiness within myself. I am grateful for the journey that has brought me to where I am today and I am excited to see where life takes me next.
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